When I was a child all the way through to my teenage years I genuinely believed that there was someone out there for everyone. That every person had another half just floating somewhere out there in the universe, ready to be stumbled upon in of course the most romantic way possible.
Im nearing 30 now, and as you will have probably guessed I’m not too convinced of my childhood analogy I dreamt up all those years ago. As the days go by I become more and more pessimistic. Does love even exist? Let alone soulmates…
However I do believe that maybe you can have a soulmate but that doesn’t necessarily mean you’re meant to be romantic soulmates….stay with me.
I’ve had a friend of the male species since I was 10 years old. Blake. We met in Junior school, his parents moved house and he started in my class in Year 5. Friendships, obviously by then had already been established but for some reason we just clicked. We ‘went out’ in Junior School but he soon dumped me for a girl in the other class ( I still to this day give him stick for that). We both went to different Secondary Schools but we kept in contact and we would see each other here and there. As teenagers there was a lot of flirting, long late night phone calls etc. I really did think back then that he was my soulmate.
After we both finished our Secondary schools, we both went our own way as most people do, but yet we still would keep in contact, phone calls or texts every few months. I always knew we’d stay friends whatever happened in our lives. I got involved in a serious relationship from the age of 18-22, I spoke to Blake during this time, but when my relationship ended, Blake and I started hanging out again. That was when our relationship went to the next level and we ended up hooking up. I think it was years in the making if you ask me. We just fit together. We stayed friends after this hookup I wasn’t expecting anything to come from it and neither was he. And I can honestly say I was fine with that.
Fast forward 6 years and we are still really good friends. Call each other at least once a week and send the odd text/meme. I genuinely believe we will be friends until we’re old and grey ( thats not far off). We do finish each other sentences and both know each other better than we know ourselves, and thats why yes I do think we’re soulmates, just not romantic ones.
But there will always be a small part of me that thinks I’m missing something big time here…..
So as I said in my previous post I’m still single and clueless. I actually think I’m more clueless then I was the last time I posted which was near on 3 years ago! How does that even work? Who knows.
I’m creeping catapulting at the speed of light up to 30 years old now and with this ever impending age comes lots of questions I ask myself daily. For example, the obvious one being WHY AM I STILL SINGLE? But here are a few more that if you’re in the same capsizing boat as me, you can relate to: should I be settled down by now? Should I be having kids? Why is everyone else settling down now? And why is everyone having kids? Where is he?
In the last year my best friend has settled down and had a baby (which is a double whammy and just selfish if you ask me) kidding of course. My other friend has also had her first child and bought a place of her own alongside her partner of course. And let me tell you, wow have our relationships have changed. I barely see them, hear from them, Im always the one reaching out these days- which I understand is completely natural. I don’t have a tiny human to care for and I can only imagine that takes up most of your time, but I can’t help feeling a bit left behind….
I write this post just over a month since my Father passed. I have to admit, it feels a lot longer than a month, more like a century. It has been a hard time to say the least.
My Dad was a troubled man, he drank heavily, battled mental health problems, and was alone since my Mother and he divorced. I was 8.
I spoke to him near enough every couple of days, usually to update him with my life, all my troubles and strife and everything in between. He would in turn, bore me with a history lesson of some kind, or tell me the name of an old song he liked that he thought directly related to whatever situation I was in at that time. I deeply enjoyed those phone calls however nonchalant I felt about them at the time. Oh hindsight is a horrendous and sometimes wonderful thing.
I told my Father everything, well everything a daughter can tell her Father without it being weird. I took this very much for granted as I’ve never felt so lonely now. Like there is no one in the world that can or would listen to me the way he once did.
Grief is a funny thing, no two people deal with it the same. We’ve all heard about the ‘stages’ grief entails: anger,denial,depression,acceptance and so on. But ultimately there is no text book version on how to deal with grief. I’m going through the motions day by day, trying my very best to stay positive as I’m sure that’s what he would have wanted.
But to be brutally honest, I don’t think I’ve ever felt pain like this. A piece of me has left with him and I don’t feel like the same person I was before. I would give anything, absolutely anything just to have one last phone call with him, one last hug, one last anything for that matter. We shall meet again I’m sure, but until then I truly believe he’s watching over me (he better be) : )
So as of late I’ve been dealing with some heavy stuff and therefore my blog has been somewhat neglected over the past month or so. It amazes me really, I mean I love to write and whenever I’ve completed a post I feel better about things (stupid i know) but I feel like I’ve told a story, told a story I can’t tell anyone in real life, so therefore a weight has been lifted in an essence.
If only I could keep in mind how much this relieves stress for me when I’m actually stressed !!!
In conclusion to this irrelevant and somewhat pointless post, I will be story telling very shortly……
Having standards when it comes to relationships can be a positive and a negative. It’s a good thing to set yourself standards as it shows you know what you want when it comes to men and relationships, but it can also lead you to ignore guys that might just be right for you.
I have plenty of standards that I try to stick to when dating such as: good job, good looks, sense of humour, independent, caring, no mummy’s boys, no men that wear tracksuits and trainers every day of their lives, the list goes on.
I’ll be the first to admit that most of my standards are superficial, but girls will be girls and we want what we want.
I tend to be attracted to a certain type of man, but what if the man that was right for me did wear tracksuits and loved their Mums with all their heart, would I simply put him in the friend zone due to my ‘standards’. I can’t answer that question all I know, ultimately, I just want someone who knows which songs not to talk over.
Im just a simple girl and when it comes to love and I don’t think any of us ask for much, just simple, sweet love.